The amount of violence in the world scares me. It scares me to a point where I want to find a safe place to go to and hide along with my loved ones. The only problem is that I’d like to keep everyone who is worthy of being safe, safe with me there. To make things worse, I have no idea as to how I would allocate those who I’d consider safe and vilify the rest. How do I go by judging a man? By his attitude or physical appearance? Or by some superstition? I have no power in me, I don’t think anyone does. If God has this power, all hail that being for being so brave. I do understand however, that what it really comes down to is love. Yes, it strikes again, as it always has and always will. It is me loving others; even those who I haven’t met in person and trusting that good exists in all men. I try to ignore the truth that the man kind is also prone to being extremely violent and evil. And so, I love, And believe, that there are others out there who also love. For love is the only thing to bring us together and fight against evil which kneels before the doors of death, praying for the very last of us to walk through its gates.
And so, here I am preaching love. If only it was that easy to get the attention of a distracted man’s mind—but it isn’t. I am forced to relay this transparent message of love onto something more relatable and common which a simple man’s mind can grip onto. I am forced by default to bring people together by a common law, an understanding and belief, all for the sake of making them love appreciate one another. Just like the spur of any religion, a mastermind must take the lead. And if history tells us anything, it is that all religious prophets have used the same blueprint for accomplish a similar goal. And though I am no Jesus, Mohammed or Buddha, it is exactly what I’m trying to do. To try and make it all work, try to fix the problem and provide justice to the human condition here on earth. Sounds crazy, and it is., but by the end of this sentence, nothing that I’ve mentioned in the beginning scares me anymore.
The only thing scaring me now is knowing how few of us who’ve ever walked this earth actually tried to make their agenda come to life. I love more than what it takes to dislike another being for their beliefs and so I can comfortably state here that I am a proud Christian for this very reason. I believe in Jesus Christ the Son of God. For he was the Son of God, and only he had the courage and the knowledge. The story goes on, the pages keep flipping, I keep getting older and store more memories that my mind won’t be able to hold someday. Until then, I will sit here a simple man and try to love at first hand, every chance I get.
Last night I had a lucid dream followed by a regular one after I finally fell asleep. During my lucid dream, I was fully awake and just had closed my eyes. All of the sudden I could hear a few men speaking to each other in a language that I could not recognize but if I had to sum it up, it would be an alien speaking some sort of Spanish dialect. They had a very soothing tone to their voices. In my lucid dream, I wanted to yell something to make them go away, because I was surprise to why they were standing right by my window. But, no matter how much I tried I could not speak a word. I was paralyzed. The voices got closer and closer to me until they were finally right next to the right side of my bed. So close that I could have easily hit them with my hand. And that is exactly what I tried doing, but I was paralyzed. I tried much harder but could only move my hand a few inches, at which point the voices went away. I opened my eyes and there was nothing there. Considering the fact that I had just closed my eyes and was not asleep, this was a very frightening experience for me. Recently, I have had a few lucid dreams for the first time in my life. These experiences can be very hard to think about because you are not asleep at all, yet something happens right in front of you. For example about two weeks ago, I opened my eyes to find a gentleman looking right at me in my sleep. With a blink of an eye, he was gone.
Finally after two hours of not being able to sleep after that incident, I finally fell asleep around 6am. The dream that I had then, was very frightening. It began with me and my family on a grayhound bus, my older brother Lasha was very upset about something and he was being calmed by my mother and other siblings. As other passengers’ started to take board, Lasha confronted a black male who was bothered by Lasha’s behavior. Soon enough, he pulled out a knife, and mostly everyone got involved in calming the two down at that moment. Soon after, another black male who now became a part of the issue and was very upset about the behavior on the bus, had a gun in his hand and was threatening to kill someone. But who he would end up killing was to be decided by the passengers. After hearing a few speeches and people trying to make him reconsider his plan, I stood up and said a speech that I cannot remember word by word, but it basically summed up how we as humans don’t get along.
My speech was often interrupted by another male who kept questioning my statements. During my speech I remember looking over at the gunman to see his reaction. He was stiff and motionless. After I finished my speech, the gunman stood up, went over to the male that was questioning my thoughts and as he was sitting down, he shot him twice in the head from above. The bus went into panic mode, I had mixed feelings in my head now, I was feeling sorry for the killed, but at the same time I knew that me and my family were safe again. Everyone quickly started to get off the bus, and we scattered all around. I remember running and my mom was falling behind, so I lifted her in my hands with all my strengths and kept going. At one point the gunman passed us while we were running, looking at him ahead of us, all I wished was for him to get lost and not turn around. I remember how he felt surrounded and turned around and started heading towards us. I felt terrified because I was afraid that he might kill us now. As he got closer and closer, everything faded into pure white color and I woke up.
Greeting. I apologize for the delays to those of you, if any.. are reading any of this. Past few months have been a journey I won’t ever forget. Everything from chaos to laughter and happiness. I’m moving to Los Angeles to further my carrier and education. At times it scares me when I think about how quick things change around us all without much notice. So at this point I’m just going to take it slow, one day at a time, planning and measuring every move I make. My birthday is coming up soon.. Maybe too soon actually. I’m planning on turning 21 in Hollywood. So by the forces of the internet, the next time I add a blog, It will be from there.
Street noises during morning hours in my neighborhood are never at ease on weekdays. There are usually protests going on outside my building, construction workers on the road, homeless yelling random shit, and so on. And don’t be fooled, this is the most expensive downtown area in the bay. But this morning it was the pain in my neck that woke me up. I had my head twisted in a very inhuman way that I can’t really describe. Moving on…
Shower, fixing up the house (at this point I have this disorder where I like everything neat and in its spot), and I’m out the door down 23 stories to Starbuck’s finest coffee to start the day off right. Then into the school shuttle at 79NM campus and off at Townsend campus stop only a minute late to my Directing Actors class with Phillip Chidel who by the way is one of the best teachers that I’ve had. He is just so informative and smart. We think alike and I really enjoy his class. So for most of this semester now, Philip is having us bring in actors and play out our scenes based on his teachings, and today wasn’t any different. A few of my classmate’s actors were late and would be for another hour or so. And that only left us one thing to do; watch random scenes from random movies in Phil’s computer bag. This time it happened to be the 2009 best animation winner ‘UP’ by Pixar, up on the projector. We watched and discussed a few topics and finally the actors arrived. They did their scene and I think they nailed it! Phil went over some very important tips from directing as a career.
It’s all plain and simple, do your job. Which means; be on time, have backup always, trust your intuition, keep the set under your control, do not let the cast & crew get under your skin and most importantly answer your calls with the phrase “talk to me.” I made that last one up. I saw someone do it and it was so cool, I had to mention it. So all that experience, got me thinking on my way back to the apartment. I usually walk from school; it’s about 1.5 miles and takes me 20 minutes. I was thinking about how much responsibility I actually signed up for when I decided to become a Film Director. But I guys if I look at the past, I’ve always chosen unusual and hard things to work with, and I will master this business like no one else.
Today was a pretty boring day; I woke up tired, body still aching… Nobody likes Monday’s and I’m on the same page. I decided not to take any classes on Monday’s this semester to prevent absences in class as much as possible. After all the weekends can get wild in many unexpected ways, and that’s the beauty of freedom.
It was late afternoon that my roommate Levan arrived at the apartment from his class and we had to drive around the city, filming homeless people at their best. While driving around the city, we first got lost and could not find the Tenderloins district of San Francisco, where to date there are record number of homeless living. In fact, we got so lost that we went all the way to the Mission District, which is mainly considered a Hispanic area, where surprisingly there were not much homeless. That’s a good thing I think. It would take me taking over the wheel as I was filming at first and Levan was driving; to find the way out of the area and find our way downtown, where finally we made it to the Tenderloin district and filmed some impressive shots.
It was then off to the editing table where I imported the project to Final Cut Pro 7 and started editing it until the sun had set. Even though final cut decided to be difficult that day and export the wrong cuts, I had my way around it as always and got it to work spot on. That was all of my day, pretty plain and simple… Sometimes I’m not even sure why I’m keeping this journal. I know I like to write random ideas, poems, stories, quotes etc. But this, I have never done before, and if I’m being honest, I kind of like it. It’s nice to share my thoughts and daily experiences with someone who can never respond or help. I hate being helped, not the actual result but the whole idea of someone helping me out just freaks me out. It’s been this way as long as I remember and at this point I can’t do much about it. It’s just who I am. Simply crazy; just like you.
Today is April 25th but this entry is for April 24th since i pretty much slept right through today. Yesterday night I went out with a couple of friends from school, Augusto, Janine and Sabrina! We at first were supposed to meet up at 79NM building at 8PM and take a cab to Kelly’s Mission Rock for a local party. It takes girls much longer to get ready for an event and today was no different.
I was on the spot half hour before the meet-up time, but it took everyone another hour to finally get there. Oh and Janine decided to come at the last minute apparently.. so that was the excuse. Moving along, we got to the club right before 9pm just in time for a $15 entrance fee, it goes up to $20 after 9pm. Then the night began. I was very awake and sober despite going against all odds, I was sober, awake and enjoying the fun. I then decided to take a shot of beer, and everything changed from then on. Everything I had put in my body for night’s entertainment, was not exploding in my brain, causing me to feel numb below my waste, dance like there’s no tomorrow and hug everyone nearby; jumping screaming, spinning, watching lightshows, doing light shows, security guards, girls with cute dresses on, girls in bikini’s, girls in almost nothing on except for bright lime green neon lights around their necks and curvy hips etc.
Today was a good day. That’s what ice cube would say at least… but I can speak of the same for today I guess. Not only did we get our cable box installed this morning!, but waking up today was much easier than any other day for a long time now. I’ve been having dull pain all over my bones, nausea in the mornings and mood swings that at times get out of control towards my family and friends. But today all of that was gone for good, I felt more productive and happy. Although my ‘works of great directors’ class was boring and slow as usual, I as always, enjoyed listening to Shaaron Murphy lecture about Jim Jarmusch and his 1995 hit ‘Dead Man’. I admit, I wrote the paper on him and this film, an hour before the class began at noon at 180NM building. After all that was taken care of, I come home to find Sabrina and Augusto who had just finished helping Kayla from our Cine 1 class with her 16mm shoot. Anyway, I’m going to try and keep this short and sweet, life is either a daring adventure or nothing. So here we go.